Day 140 S/P (Status Post) Disclosure
What I learned watching my neighbor’s dog today
Today my husband was outside doing whatever he could find to stay busy, being the weather was gorgeous, when I had to interrupt his conversation with a neighbor. He had this beautiful Huskey with eyes so blue they sparkled in the sun on the end of a leash with him. Typically I wouldn’t consider myself a dog person, but this dog looks at me and I’m enchanted; I can’t help but be drawn to him. Being still a puppy, he was somewhat frisky – obsessed with a random little stick in our driveway. I watched him, time and again, place the stick down on the ground, only to roll down the steep incline. Every time he did this, I felt myself becoming anxious, expecting the stick to go tumbling away out of our sight and reach. Zeus, the dog, never worried about it. He repeatedly placed the stick in front of us and inevitably it would begin to roll, stopping just within our reach every time. I found myself worrying needlessly over this silly stick, fearing it would disappear eventually. Then I realized something. It was just a stick. As much as Zeus loved playing with it, he never worried. Every time he would release it from his mouth, he let go with confidence that he would get it back. He seemed to not have a worry in the world about losing his prized possession, but yet was also obsessed with it at the same time. Of course it was ridiculous to worry about this stick.
It goes without saying dogs are not programmed like people- they just enjoy the moment. They may get hung up on their stick, but they are not about to stop living and enjoying themselves for fear of losing it. They press forward. This simple act of watching Zeus made something within me click.
That’s where I’ve been stuck for months now. I’ve found myself not enjoying so many beautiful moments for fear of what will happen in my relationship while my husband is out of my reach.
Is my husband really a sex addict in denial? Will he once again solicit a prostitute? Will he continue going to strip clubs and cheat again?
I don’t have the answers, but I know that God has moved His hand in our marriage like never before. Innumerable tears have been shed over the last several months since the disclosure, but substantial strides have been made. I’ve been blessed to witness some miraculous works transpire as well. My husband is more transparent, allowing me to be more open as well. We have pierced each other’s hearts and souls.
My husband is a new man now, and I realized watching Zeus that I have to let go of my grip on my husband as well, giving this to God. Thanks Zeus.