Being Quiet is Comfortable

“Being quiet is comfortable.” – Luvvie Ajayi

This has probably been said before, but I quoted this young woman because I never heard it like I did when she said it in a TED talk.

Being quiet is comfortable. I sure do like the comfort of security.

I got weary of being quiet for the sake of comfortable. It’s not that I woke up that October morning I confessed my affairs and said “My life is too easy, I think I’ll shake things up a bit and confess I’ve cheated.”

Prior to my confession, I had tortured myself for a good month. “Today is the day I will tell him.” I’d say to myself every single day.

Then the words would sit there on the edge of my tongue. Knowing I was just one breath and five words away from changing everything, built up like a pressure cooker inside of me. Every day would be ‘the day’…Then I’d cave. I’d procrastinate.

Staying quiet was easier. My life was comfortable. I wanted comfort. I liked security. I wished to remain in my bubble, pretending. Why would I stir up such a $hitstorm?!! Who knew what the consequences would be?

Then God said, “It’s time.”

I kept asking why. Why now? I don’t want to do this. I knew I could do hard things, but I didn’t want to do hard anymore. Life had just gotten to a point of breathing easy and coasting for a moment, for perhaps the first time in our entire marriage.

Someone asked, “Why would you do that? Why can’t some people just let sleeping dogs lie?”

People look at you funny when you are a little unorthodox or don’t do what is expected. They like to judge – especially if they feel any conviction over the topic. They ask the infamous “Who do you think you are? ”

Who I was was a child of God, and He commanded me to let this guilt go and give my spouse the truth. This was the only way either my spouse or myself could truly love Him, ourselves, or anyone else. It was time.

Had I remained quiet and not told of my truth, my husband’s story of the brothel would never have come out either. He never would have had the courage to come clean – without me first purging my sins. He had been walking around for over a decade feeling undeserving of love, but trying to protect me because of his own guilt.

Quiet definitely is comfortable, but it’s not always what’s right. When God tells me to speak, I try to listen – even when it’s excruciatingly uncomfortable.

For the record, I have not one regret of ‘waking those dogs’. Why would I? They were in our way.

Advertisements

Posted by

Life, Infidelity, and Thereafter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s