What can happen in a year?

I’ve been a total wreck for almost a year when it comes to caring for my body. I had previously lost 45 pounds a few years ago and had done well at keeping it off with diet and exercise – until last year.

I had also gotten my body built up to be able to run 3 to 5 miles, 3 or 4 times a week. I’m sure this is very unimpressive to my fellow runners who do marathons, but this was a big feat for me. I started out unable to walk a mile without sometimes getting winded, and (sadly) – very tired.

Then I began to backslide with diet and exercise after the unexpected death of my father last January.

*Cue ** my favorite addiction: sweets – especially anything soft, gooey, and chocolatey😋 what was it going to hurt? I was grieving a huge loss, after all.

Then I had a maternal aunt (whom I helped care for and saw almost daily the last 10 years) die approximately 2 weeks after my father.

*Cue*** even more sweets.. and why not an occasional roll? Exercise? That’s going to have to stay on hold with all the extra care I’ve had to give everyone else – my body needs the break. “It won’t hurt to rest, ” I lied to myself.

Then there was the sudden death of two neighbors- one lived directly across the street, the other was next door to us…(one might begin to suspect a curse, or God trying to hint something.. or is it just me?)

*Cue*** stress hormones & sweets again, but this time instead of an occasional Little Debbie cake, it was 2 or 3.. and instead of one roll a week, I had 3 or 4.

Then my father’s only living sister followed my dad in death – approximately 8 weeks after him. This was as devastating for me as was the loss of my father.

*Cue*** cortisol (stress hormones), whatever dang sweets I please, and more than ‘occasional’ rolls… I have no idea why all these people are dying around me?! Although it’s disturbing, I won’t lose all composure.. yet. No thought to even brisk walking, much less running.

3 weeks go by after my second aunt’s passing, when her son – my cousin – dies.

[In case you lost count, this is a total of 6 deaths of people near me – 3 of them extremely close, within 3 months]

*Cue*** whatever meat, bread, salt, or carb-o-licious delight that my heart desires. Limits done away with – secondary to the rate people are dropping around me.. for fear that death is on my very own tail I see that I might as well eat what I want.

But death didn’t come. Instead, time continued to move forward, and my body began turning on me. I’ve gained a new titanium stent in my heart for the blockage that had accumulated (over years) and 12 pounds back on.

So, given the new lease (and second chance) on life – I’d say my body deserves to be treated a little more properly going forward.

This past year and a half has been filled with more than I’ve ever had to endure in all of my years confounded together, but in some ways has been a welcomed gift from God as well. It’s only because of these struggles that I’ve grown as a person and child of God. He has been abundantly clear on how my actions not only impact me, but every person around me – and even some I don’t know.

That “mirror” stays pretty darn close to my face most nowadays, but for the opposite of vanity – it reminds me the importance of humility that I need to attempt to maintain as a believer.

Thanks to the deaths, my own medical problems, the infidelity disclosure, and my study of 1 John, I move forward confidently now, knowing that at least I’m finally walking with some integrity and – to the best of my ability – as God commands.

Here’s to my attempt at walking that walk lighter – not only physically, but spiritually as well.

Blessings,

M.H.

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Life, Infidelity, and Thereafter

2 thoughts on “What can happen in a year?

  1. Resilience. That is the word that came to mind when reading this. You are a glowing example of resilience and courage.

    I can definitely relate to the weight part. I have been such a yo yo these last three years. When my journey first started I lost weight from the lack of appetite, but then the anxiety kicked in and I gained it back, and then I made an effort to eat better and exercise, and lost it again. But now, the anxiety of restoring sexual intimacy has me at my highest weight I have ever been. Not exactly conducive to rebuilding, or in our case, building, a sex life.

    (((Hugs))) to you Michelle as you continue to grieve your losses and persevere in seeking healing and wholeness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know how courageous or resilient I’d consider myself, but I thank you Cynthia.

      I think there’s so many of us that struggle with weight – whether because of sugar addiction (like me), or lack of motivation (also sometimes me), or a combination. More of us have to take on the “battle the bulge” more than those who don’t.
      Hang in there with yours. I hope you’re still doing well with building. 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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