So, this ego thing has been kept pretty well in check, until the other day. I was running to town when Demi Lavato’s ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ came on the radio. As soon as the beat started and I heard her sing,
“Now I’m out here looking like revenge
Feeling like a ten, the best I’ve ever been,”
Hearing Demi’s words not only instantly transported me back to the fury I felt during our infidelity disclosure, but it made me want to have back my pride and ego. It feels good to feed those beasts. I used to love myself and the way I felt when I listened to music like this.
I could instantly sense my ego within rising. Every syllable, every note, every beat – layered atop with Demi’s seemingly angelic voice – awakening that righteous woman (and anger) within me.
One reason this song hooks me is because it had just been released when I discovered the extent of my husband’s infidelity. The other is simply because it sings to that woman in me that’s been crossed.
Anyhow, almost as quickly as the ego had arrived, it dissipated. I was quickly reminded by the Holy Spirit that this was not food for my soul, and revenge was out of the question – I am His. I must be willing to extend grace and forgiveness – if I wish to receive it from the Father.
It made me remember why I (sometimes) refrain completely from secular music anymore. The devil knows exactly where to hit us. My weakness would not be seeing a shirtless, chiseled man working on his car or even seeing a Magic Mike show, or what have you. Satan’s roadmap to reach me must take a different trail, instead of the seemingly obvious.
Whereas, a man might be tempted by visual stimulation, I’m tempted sometimes by something like hearing a beat with a good hook about revenge and girl power. Hence, he uses the music avenue on me.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m aware that some self-awareness and ego has to exist for survival, but there should always be humility involved. I am also not labeling all ‘secular’ music evil, but I’d say going forward, that Sorry Not Sorry definitely needs to be excluded from my playlists.
Be blessed and try to keep those beasts of egos and pride in check..