I’ve referenced in a few previous posts, (or perhaps most of them), about the mirror effect that I’ve encountered after doing a Precept study of 1 John. I had the gift of the Holy Spirit before this study, but unfortunately, had strayed from God at times.
The further I separated myself, the harder it was to utilize the gift of discernment that only comes through The Holy Spirit. What a pity.
Once God started drawing me back, it still was not an overnight thing. I didn’t immediately submit to Him again though. Why? Simply because I wanted to do things my way.
Thanks to that ‘mirror’ so many things have been brought to my attention that I’ve been doing wrong, that some days I struggle with where to even begin to make things right.
One reflection was when I began undergoing medical struggles. I had become weary and somewhat calloused towards a family member who always seemed to have something wrong. No matter how many struggles I need to help this family member with now, it has brought me new empathy- but only after dealing with my own struggles.
When I dug into 1 John I uncovered my need to cleanse and purge, but I struggled with confessing infidelity to my husband.
Then, one night I lost my wedding ring, and somehow, someway, I managed to find it in a store – against all odds. I felt so much pain that night over the symbolism – and the possibility of losing much more than just the ring, that I lost my courage to confess.
Within a few days of almost losing my wedding ring, we received a call. The call received was from our realtor. We received news that a house we once dreamt of buying was being put on the market. This was the push to tell my husband of the infidelity. I could just somehow begin to feel the devastation that would come upon him if he uncovered what I had done. I was unable to move forward in purchasing a home, when I knew God commanded me to tell the truth above any material desire. The pain I was going to inflict would be nothing in comparison of what it would be if he found out after I had inflicted willful, continued, layered deceit.
There are many other examples of how God has opened my eyes, but I think you get the picture.
The last 18 months God has revealed His Spirit more than ever in my eyes. I just find my life to that point – and still at times – dripping with so much hypocrisy that the shame of it becomes too much to attempt to carry the title as a ‘Christian.’
But God is still working on me. I believe if you are really born again, one is always a sculpture being refined though, right? Conviction should be present – not as much for the cloak of shame, but to remind me of the price my sins. They were paid for with more than I could ever offer.