I’ve done some pretty despicable things in my life. If I allow myself to sit and ponder on some of the decisions I’ve made, it makes me weep with sadness. Sadness for not only how I’ve hurt others and tarnished my soul, but how I must’ve hurt God.
I’ve recently been going to bed listening to a couple of different preachers. One of them (I thought) was purely coincidental that I came across, but it was no coincidence. This was a divine intervention of grace. He not only preached on things that had recently been heavy on my heart, but he also told a story that eloquently told what I’d been trying to convey.
He went on to describe this extreme empathy he’d experienced one day when God opened a fountain in him, going on to describe exactly what I had experienced last year when I was feeling like I suddenly I could see things through God’s eyes.
He went on to mention the mirror that I’d been talking about so much, and specifically mentioned the need to hold it up in front of us – it was not a coincidence.
I had not heard anyone explain all of this in this way before – in the way that I had been trying to convey. This was God’s grace, reassuring me that I am gaining momentum (and I’m not as crazy as I felt).
Here’s the real message that I gathered listening to him: when you are listening, you will hear, see, and feel God’s grace.
The most beautiful part is that I did nothing (nor could I ever do enough if I tried) to earn it – but I receive His grace anyhow.
That is the only sense I can make of what has happened in my life over the last year – so that God could prepare me and show me how I need to extend grace to others – even when I feel it’s undeserving.
There are still days I want to be mad over my husband’s transgressions, particularly when I suspect I didn’t get all of the truth at times – but I will remain faithful and follow God regardless, for I know there is a purpose.
As much as it must grieve God, I haven’t always been willing to repent immediately. Admit my my faults?! I didn’t have any!
How good it is that God was willing to love me when I didn’t “get it.” The Holy Spirit is truly a supernatural gift from God that cannot be explained with any words I have in my vocabulary, but I surely do thank Him for it.
I get it, God.
I need to love, not just conditionally, but radically – even if I feel they are undeserving. Sometimes the people that are hardest to love are ones who need it most.
More specific, I received a message of hope through God by way of this pastor. I will keep the faith that God is leading me in the right direction.
What are the odds a sermon of a preacher (who’s been deceased for well over a decade), randomly – without me choosing – play on my TV, and relay every single thing I’d been trying to explain?