When the infidelity disclosure door first busted open in our home the first person(s) we ran to were our pastor and his wife. They were our age, and displayed the most Godly portrait of what marriage should be to us.
It was extremely nice to just be able to tell someone the whole truth and get some sort comfort – even from people who had no clue what it felt like to experience what we were going through. But a day or two after we told my pastor and his wife about my husband’s infidelity with paid women, my friend- the pastor’s wife told me to read the book of Hosea.
I had done many bible studies, but I could barely recall a book of Hosea in the Bible. Why in the world would she tell me to study some random book of the Bible now? Just give me some scriptures or something, I thought. I almost couldn’t read it because of the never- ending tears blurring my vision and uncontrollable bouts of sobbing in between, but I pressed on. If she insisted on me reading it – there must be a reason.
But why would she have me read about a man that loved a harlot??? I was furious. This felt like rubbing salt in my wound. My husband liked the harlot – which I was not. This was not fair. How could my spouse put a harlot ahead of me?
Wait. What the??
I couldn’t really absorb at the time of disclosure what the entire picture of Hosea’s story painted. All I could think of was my own personal pain and what sins my husband had committed.
One day, when the dust settled and the streams of tears slowed to a trickle, the visualization became more clear.
Then I got it, but boy, I didn’t want it. You see, the book of Hosea is about a prophet of God who was instructed by God to take a harlot for his wife. He was to love her unconditionally and have children with her while she continued to play the harlot without respect for her husband or marriage. There was a twist – as Hosea story unfolds, God is dealing with Israel and is commanding them to stop with their sinful ways. Hosea continues to give prophesies to Israel for their sins on behalf of God – warning them to turn back to Him. Israel does not listen, instead they play the role of the harlot – choosing to put everything above God.
What she wanted me to see was how God’s heart feels all the time. When we sin against Him, He loves us regardless and wants us to turn back to Him – instead of chasing idolatry and playing the harlot. How easily I judged my husband, when I had been guilty of doing the same thing to my precious God.
It wasn’t just about a man who was commanded by God to love an unfaithful woman, but how this is the visual of our relationship with God sometimes. He loves us so, yet we idolize celebrities and material things.
Hosea had a tough road. Loving someone that betrays you is much harder than loving someone who is loyal. I was unfaithful. I had put my husband before God. This was my mistake. He commands to be first, not second.
May I never turn my back on Him again, and I hope that my spouse does the same for me. After this process, what I’ve discovered is that even if I have someone who is unfaithful, my God is not.