Intimidated By A Two-Year-Old

Why is it so hard to be vulnerable? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Why do we innately only share bits and pieces of ourselves – even with those closest to us? I know the obvious answer is fear of pain and judgment, but what are we fearing? Why do we fear judgement? […]

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The Load Feels Slightly Lighter

I’m writing this with hesitation, for fear of having that other shoe drop, but at least for the last month I feel some sense of normalcy again. Attempting to explain the emotions that ebb and flow after infidelity disclosure is almost indescribable to someone who hasn’t experienced it. FINALLY I feel somewhat stable and have […]

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The Time Paradox – What I Once Felt A Joke

I have no clever quotes or catchy photos for this post, All I have is just this raw, sincere glimpse into my past. One of the paradoxes regarding time is how the perspective of one moment can change so drastically. What you once thought happy you might find yourself cringing with angst. Or, maybe you’ve […]

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I Refused To Be A Prude – So I Offered Him Another Woman

You read that correctly. Years ago, approximately the 7 year itch mark, I refused to allow my marriage to become stale. I prided myself on not being a prude. I watched porn with my husband, I performed whenever I thought he desired, there even came a point that I offered a threesome. Yep. I truly, […]

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Another Day

Another day of struggle. Another day of triggers. Another day of carefully layered mascara. Another day with an hour spent on careful preparation of my appearance. Then I recant -wipe away half of my art. (I do not want to appear to be trying too hard) So, it’s just Another wasted effort. Re-entrance to the […]

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Missing that running playlist

Photo credit to Hotblack via morguefile There are hundreds of songs in my phone, but lately there are ones that have provoked an itch that needs scratched. It’s those songs I commonly listened to when I first began my venture into running a few years ago. There’s just something about these particular melodies and beats […]

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Just another 3 am bedtime

It was a long night of the tortured heart again. Unproductive conversations that turned into an all-nighter filled with accusations and presumptions. Today I’m left with an emotional hangover – laced with no pride, only guilt and regret. (And some binging on carbs) I struggle as much with my moments of peace as I do […]

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Grateful for Grace (and a random preacher)

I’ve done some pretty despicable things in my life. If I allow myself to sit and ponder on some of the decisions I’ve made, it makes me weep with sadness. Sadness for not only how I’ve hurt others and tarnished my soul, but how I must’ve hurt God. I’ve recently been going to bed listening […]

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What can happen in a year?

I’ve been a total wreck for almost a year when it comes to caring for my body. I had previously lost 45 pounds a few years ago and had done well at keeping it off with diet and exercise – until last year. I had also gotten my body built up to be able to […]

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Grieving those alive

I know about grief – at least, I thought I did. For several years I worked in a level one trauma unit – which means that when a hospital couldn’t care for a patient because they were too ‘broken’, they sent them to us to put back together. We cared for the sickest of the […]

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