All things sensual, sexual

It’s everywhere. Sex sells. Why does every image in a western with that woman in the saloon – ready to take a cowboy up to a room stimulate me to feel so anxious? Oh yeah- that really happens..(maybe not like the western, but there certainly are brothels – true story) So we turn the channel […]

Read More

Letting go of the ‘unletgoable’

Okay, so I just made up that word. I know there’s a real word (unforgivable) that would almost fit, but it just didn’t describe exactly what I’m trying to convey. Just like my daughter’s 2 year old daughter, currently screaming her head off in my presence because she doesn’t want to let go of her […]

Read More

How many triggers tonight?

Wonder how many triggers I’ll have to deal with tonight? When my 11 year old son first asked if we’d take him to the carnival that’s in town this week, I dreaded the crowd and forced interactions with people I don’t care much to socialize with, but thought I’d suck it up for the sake […]

Read More

My Husband Slept with a Prostitute (and I pity him)

In some of my softer moments, when I’m feeling extreme empathy and compassion, I actually find myself feeling sorry for my husband. That’s right. I said it. I feel sorry for my husband. I, the betrayed, actually pity the man who – while we were newlyweds – went to an ATM and withdrew money, so […]

Read More

Why am I ashamed?

A couple of very hot topics currently in media and social outlets are shame and courage. The two are opposing forces. They literally repel against each other. Brené Brown has done years of studies on shame and hours of interviews on what shame and vulnerability mean. (You can find out more about what she and […]

Read More

Professions: Selling the body vs. saving the body?

At the risk of sounding bitter, or self-degrading, I am sharing this post to reveal some of the authentic, rawness that intertwined my personal experience with infidelity and my own profession in an “off” moment. This was written a day that I was feeling a particularly high regard of pity for myself after a bad […]

Read More

An Open Letter : To the prostitute that borrowed my husband

Long ago my husband crossed your path. To be honest, just writing this letter makes my heart pound and my breathing quicken, but that’s okay – because this physical reaction of my body simply means that  I’m still alive. I realize that my love was just another ‘John’ to you. I also know that for […]

Read More

My Broken Heart & 1 John

Day 148 My Broken Heart & 1 John Ironically, after disclosure of what I had done to my husband – having not one, but two emotional affairs during our marriage, and his cheating with paid women, I discovered my heart is not only spiritually broken now, but physically broken as well. Shortly before I confessed […]

Read More

The Brothel – Wonder what it was really like

The Brothel – I do wonder what it was like – inside and outside. Did it smell like stale cigarettes and sex? Was it physically dirty as I imagine? Could you hear others in the rooms next door? What did the “John” just before you look like? And did he have a clueless wife waiting […]

Read More