The One Year Mark, The “B” Word, And The Hero Of This Story

Whether you make it happen solo, or together.. Of late, I’ve written several posts about anything other than directly relating to where my marriage stands. Discussing my own imperfections and guilt is not only cathartic, it’s something within MY CONTROL. I find a sense of relief, because I’m not dealing with the direct pain from […]

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Quiet Scares Me

I don’t like the quiet. I don’t like the stillness. I suppose it’s because it makes my own thoughts and voices become louder and unbearable. I don’t like what my “inner voice” says sometimes. It tells me to be insecure, be ashamed, feel guilty, feel dirty, be mad for the horrid things that not only […]

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The Load Feels Slightly Lighter

I’m writing this with hesitation, for fear of having that other shoe drop, but at least for the last month I feel some sense of normalcy again. Attempting to explain the emotions that ebb and flow after infidelity disclosure is almost indescribable to someone who hasn’t experienced it. FINALLY I feel somewhat stable and have […]

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Another Day

Another day of struggle. Another day of triggers. Another day of carefully layered mascara. Another day with an hour spent on careful preparation of my appearance. Then I recant -wipe away half of my art. (I do not want to appear to be trying too hard) So, it’s just Another wasted effort. Re-entrance to the […]

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Suffering on hold

I’ve heard people describe infidelity discovery and recovery as a roller coaster. That is a decent description, and also one that I’ve used myself, but I feel it’s more accurate to say it’s like an off – road adventure. There’s been very few moments of “fun” like a roller- coaster would imply though. It’s felt […]

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Grieving those alive

I know about grief – at least, I thought I did. For several years I worked in a level one trauma unit – which means that when a hospital couldn’t care for a patient because they were too ‘broken’, they sent them to us to put back together. We cared for the sickest of the […]

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Depth of believers

Usually, I do my writing with a view from my bedroom window with the rolling hills and mountains of Tennessee, but today I sat at the lake trying to get inspired to write about something different (other than my usual spill about the infidelity struggle) when suddenly it hit me. I began wondering about the […]

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