The One Year Mark, The “B” Word, And The Hero Of This Story

Whether you make it happen solo, or together.. Of late, I’ve written several posts about anything other than directly relating to where my marriage stands. Discussing my own imperfections and guilt is not only cathartic, it’s something within MY CONTROL. I find a sense of relief, because I’m not dealing with the direct pain from […]

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Quiet Scares Me

I don’t like the quiet. I don’t like the stillness. I suppose it’s because it makes my own thoughts and voices become louder and unbearable. I don’t like what my “inner voice” says sometimes. It tells me to be insecure, be ashamed, feel guilty, feel dirty, be mad for the horrid things that not only […]

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The Load Feels Slightly Lighter

I’m writing this with hesitation, for fear of having that other shoe drop, but at least for the last month I feel some sense of normalcy again. Attempting to explain the emotions that ebb and flow after infidelity disclosure is almost indescribable to someone who hasn’t experienced it. FINALLY I feel somewhat stable and have […]

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Another Day

Another day of struggle. Another day of triggers. Another day of carefully layered mascara. Another day with an hour spent on careful preparation of my appearance. Then I recant -wipe away half of my art. (I do not want to appear to be trying too hard) So, it’s just Another wasted effort. Re-entrance to the […]

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Grieving those alive

I know about grief – at least, I thought I did. For several years I worked in a level one trauma unit – which means that when a hospital couldn’t care for a patient because they were too ‘broken’, they sent them to us to put back together. We cared for the sickest of the […]

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All things sensual, sexual

It’s everywhere. Sex sells. Why does every image in a western with that woman in the saloon – ready to take a cowboy up to a room stimulate me to feel so anxious? Oh yeah- that really happens..(maybe not like the western, but there certainly are brothels – true story) So we turn the channel […]

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Letting go of the ‘unletgoable’

Okay, so I just made up that word. I know there’s a real word (unforgivable) that would almost fit, but it just didn’t describe exactly what I’m trying to convey. Just like my daughter’s 2 year old daughter, currently screaming her head off in my presence because she doesn’t want to let go of her […]

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An Open Letter : To the prostitute that borrowed my husband

Long ago my husband crossed your path. To be honest, just writing this letter makes my heart pound and my breathing quicken, but that’s okay – because this physical reaction of my body simply means that  I’m still alive. I realize that my love was just another ‘John’ to you. I also know that for […]

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