The One Year Mark, The “B” Word, And The Hero Of This Story

Whether you make it happen solo, or together.. Of late, I’ve written several posts about anything other than directly relating to where my marriage stands. Discussing my own imperfections and guilt is not only cathartic, it’s something within MY CONTROL. I find a sense of relief, because I’m not dealing with the direct pain from […]

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A Confession, An Apology

I wish I could attest that I’ve always walked with integrity as the Brene Brown quote says, but I digress. It’s easy to say you would NEVER do something, until you do that something. I don’t fit exactly into any category squarely when it comes to the infidelity clicks. Yes, I was betrayed. Yes, my […]

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The Passing of D-day Anniversary #1

The memories that seem to have scarred most of all are the ones from the unearthing of information and the disclosure period itself. It’s everything surrounding that time frame. It’s the music heard, the chill in the air that began to envelope us. So many seemingly minuscule details that were never anticipated to have a […]

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Quiet Scares Me

I don’t like the quiet. I don’t like the stillness. I suppose it’s because it makes my own thoughts and voices become louder and unbearable. I don’t like what my “inner voice” says sometimes. It tells me to be insecure, be ashamed, feel guilty, feel dirty, be mad for the horrid things that not only […]

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The Load Feels Slightly Lighter

I’m writing this with hesitation, for fear of having that other shoe drop, but at least for the last month I feel some sense of normalcy again. Attempting to explain the emotions that ebb and flow after infidelity disclosure is almost indescribable to someone who hasn’t experienced it. FINALLY I feel somewhat stable and have […]

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I Refused To Be A Prude – So I Offered Him Another Woman

You read that correctly. Years ago, approximately the 7 year itch mark, I refused to allow my marriage to become stale. I prided myself on not being a prude. I watched porn with my husband, I performed whenever I thought he desired, there even came a point that I offered a threesome. Yep. I truly, […]

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All things sensual, sexual

It’s everywhere. Sex sells. Why does every image in a western with that woman in the saloon – ready to take a cowboy up to a room stimulate me to feel so anxious? Oh yeah- that really happens..(maybe not like the western, but there certainly are brothels – true story) So we turn the channel […]

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Why am I ashamed?

A couple of very hot topics currently in media and social outlets are shame and courage. The two are opposing forces. They literally repel against each other. Brené Brown has done years of studies on shame and hours of interviews on what shame and vulnerability mean. (You can find out more about what she and […]

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